self help | ChromaMeSilly

Life is a wonderful, beautiful, terrible, frightening thing. You can feel like you’re on top of the world one day, and the next? Like the gum stuck on the bottom of your shoe. But it’s all part of the ride, isn’t it? The ups and downs. The smiles and the tears. It’s all part of the long road, the long haul.

There’s been changes in my life, yes. Some by choice, others by the hand of someone I wouldn’t have expected. Some things, I just can’t control. Sometimes you have to roll with the punches, even if you’re afraid of the fight. But all of that doesn’t mean you have to keep your bloody nose.

So I’m making myself a promise. A promise that should have been made a very long time ago. A promise that I want to share with you, because it’s just that important. And if it means something to just one person? Well, then this post did its job.

If saying yes means saying no to myself, get off my train…

I promise to put myself first. Because I deserve it. Gone are the days where my life revolved around another. Where plans, commitments and compromises were made to fit someone else comfortably. If saying yes means saying no to myself, get off my train. I’m no longer afraid of going hungry, because I know exactly what I bring to the table. If I need to sit on my throne on my own, no king by my side for some time, I know the wait will be worth it. I come first, for once. My comfort matters, my happiness matters, what I want and what I need, matters. I refuse to continue to bend for those who can’t bend for me.

Never again will my self worth lay in the hands of someone else…

I promise to take care of myself. My dark and twisty bits don’t define me. My trials don’t define me. Yes, they shaped me, made me in part who I am…but they are not the core of who I am. I am more than the rain cloud that sometimes follows me. I’m more than my past, I’m more than my fears. Self care is my number 1 priority now, so that I never let myself ever feel as if I am nothing more than a checklist of things gone awry. Never again will my self worth lay in the hands of someone else. Never again will I let another’s vision of me dirty the real picture. Everyone has dark bits, and if that scares you, you aren’t the type of person I need on my life. If you define those around you by what’s wrong, I don’t need you. I ain’t got time for that.

…I will wait…

I promise myself to wait. No one will ever again walk into my kingdom with their dirty feet. No one beneath me will ever join in my journey. I will never lower myself, ever again. I will never follow words, only action. Speaking is easy, doing is everything. I will wait. I will wait for a king worthy of the throne next to mine. Not a prince, not a knight. Not the hope of “this could get better”. I promise myself to wait for someone looking for a queen, someone who will make me #1 without the possibility of ever even having a #2. Someone who will love me like no other, love my family, love our future together. If you’re not building me up as I build you up, consider it over. Got it?

To make it official, to give myself a reminder of these things…and mostly to help keep me grounded, I bought myself a promise ring. This idea came to me in the form of a new friend, a fellow kindred spirit.

I went to Pandora and got myself this beautiful little reminder. She sits pretty on my ring finger, so I never forget. When I feel weak, I’ll look down at my hand and know. When I feel at a loss, I’ll know. When I feel like I lost track, I’ll remember why I’m here and what I need. Because at the end of the day, if you don’t love and take care of yourself, No one else will.